


Blame the Pierogi

by KuriKuri



Series: Sterek Tumblr Prompts [6]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Werewolves, Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Fake/Pretend Relationship, It's a fake fake relationship okay, M/M, but not actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 19:24:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2703674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuriKuri/pseuds/KuriKuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Mom, I’m not gonna fake marry someone to get some stupid recipe!" Stiles exclaims.</p><p>(Or: In which Claudia and Laura have competing pizza restaurants and Stiles and Derek are sent to steal each others' secret recipes.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blame the Pierogi

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://authorkurikuri.tumblr.com/post/104105172355/sterek-au-our-families-loathe-each-other-because), on tumblr.

"We’re going to get caught," Derek pants into Stiles’ mouth as he thrusts his hips forward, grinding against Stiles.

"Only if you don’t hurry up," Stiles retorts, gripping Derek’s hair tighter and pulling him forward into another sloppy kiss.

"I thought you liked my stamina," Derek teases as they break apart, pushing Stiles harder against the supply closet wall. "You certainly weren’t complaining last night."

"Yeah, well, last night my mother wasn’t in the same building," Stiles snaps, but it turns into a moan as Derek grabs ahold of his thighs and hitches him up, Stiles wrapping his legs around Derek’s waist on instinct.

"Well, if you have enough brain capacity to still be thinking about your mother, clearly I’m doing something wrong," Derek replies, grinding their bare cocks together. He ducks his head to start mouthing at Stiles’ neck, sloppy kisses and bites trailing over Stiles’ skin.

"Fuck," Stiles gasps, arching his neck to give Derek better access. "Fuck, your mouth is amazing, but if you leave any marks where I can’t hide them, I’ll fucking kill you."

"No you wouldn’t," Derek snorts, nosing against Stiles’ collar bone. 

"I’m just after you for your family’s secret pizza recipe, remember?" Stiles replies, although he can’t help the note of fondness in his tone.

"I can’t believe you’d use me like that," Derek says, mock offended. "What happened to our undying love?"

"Please, you’re just after me for my gorgeous body," Stiles teases, detangling a hand from Derek’s hair and reaching between them, wrapping it around their cocks. Derek grunts, his hips snapping forward, fucking into Stiles’ hand.

"Fuck, Stiles," Derek pants, and Stiles is pretty damn sure he’s never heard a more beautiful sound in his life. " _Fuck_ , your fucking hands, I can’t - “

Stiles cuts him off with a kiss, prying Derek’s lips open and slipping his tongue into Derek’s mouth. Derek bucks against him again, seeking more friction and Stiles can’t help but moan into the kiss. Shit, hopefully they aren’t being too loud.

It doesn’t take long for either of them after that - Derek coming with a strangled groan, Stiles following just a few moments later. Gingerly, Derek lets him down, although Stiles has to cling to him for a moment, still trying to find his legs.

"So, what are you gonna tell Laura?" Stiles asks as he dabs at his stomach with a wadded up tissue. 

"That I got as far as the kitchen," Derek answers, leaning in to steal another brief kiss. This one’s chaste, more of a brush of lips than anything.

"Bending the truth. Nice," Stiles replies with a smirk. "It’s going to take more than a pretty face to get that recipe, though."

"I’ll be sure to tell her that," Derek says dryly, but his lips turn up in a small smile.

"We’re still on for tonight, aren’t we?" Stiles asks as they head for the closet door, Stiles peaking out into the hallway first to make sure the coast is clear.

"Your place at seven," Derek confirms, brushing a hand over the small of Stiles’ back. "I’m bringing the wine."

"It better be the good stuff, too. Otherwise you’re not getting any of my famous pierogi," Stiles replies, opening the door fully and stepping out into the hall.

"I’m looking forward to it," Derek says.

"You better be," Stiles laughs, grinning at Derek. "Now get out of here before my mom or Scott or somebody sees you."

Derek disappears out the back door, but not before giving Stiles one more kiss.

—-

"So, how’s your little Derek project going?" Claudia asks over lunch, and Stiles has to try his best to suppress a blush.

"I’m making progress," he answers vaguely, staring down at his plate and poking at his zupa jarzynowa with his spoon.

"Do you think he’s starting to warm up to you?" Claudia inquires, and Stiles has to bite his lip, because has Derek ever. That’s absolutely not something he wants to tell his mother, though - especially when she sent him on a mission to steal the Hale family pizza recipe.

"I guess," Stiles replies idly after swallowing a piece of carrot. "I mean, there’s a whole lot less of that ‘grrr, I want to rip your throat out’ stuff and more ‘I will deign to let you in my presence.’"

"Good. That’s very good," Claudia says, looking inordinately pleased considering how little information Stiles has actually gathered for her over the past few weeks. "And you like him?"

Stiles almost cokes on a potato.

"Wha - no! Why would you think that?" he sputters, because holy shit, does she _know?_

"It’s okay if you do, Stiles," Claudia sighs, looking much more downtrodden than she did moments earlier. "We’re just in a bit of friendly competition, that’s all."

"Mom. You sent me to steal his secret family recipe," Stiles points out, incredulous. "That’s more than ‘friendly competition’, okay?"

"I suppose," Claudia replies, still sounding a little melancholy.

People are always telling Stiles that he and his mother are so alike, but can only understand half of what she’s talking about at any given time. It makes him wonder how often people understand what _he’s_ saying. God knows how his father deals with the two of them.

"Maybe you should cook for him!" Claudia says suddenly, her face lighting up. "Make grandma Kwiatkowski’s pierogi! He’ll propose on the spot!"

"Mom, I’m not gonna fake marry someone to get some stupid recipe!" Stiles exclaims, hoping that Derek doesn’t actually propose tonight, because as much as he likes the guy, marriage after two months is a little quick for him. He needs at least four.

"Oh, I didn’t mean it like that, kochanie," Claudia replies, her face falling again. "I just want you to be happy and you know I can get carried away sometimes."

"You want me to be happy by fake marrying a guy whose family’s pizza restaurant you want to destroy," Stiles clarifies, staring his his mother incredulously.

"You know what I mean," she sighs.

No. No, he doesn’t.

—-

Stiles’ pierogi doesn’t make Derek propose marriage, but it does make his propose dinner and hot, athletic sex at his own apartment the next night. And, hey, who’s Stiles to deny him?

Really, he can’t quite decide which is better - Derek’s homemade macaroni and cheese (because let’s face it, whoever came up with the idea that it’s only for six year olds deserves to burn in hell) or the feeling of Derek’s cock in his mouth afterwards.

In fact, by the time they’re finished, Stiles feels so fucked out and sated that he’s unable to keep himself from falling asleep curled up next to Derek in his bed.

When he wakes up, though, he’s abruptly reminded of why staying over is a bad, _bad_ idea.

"Derek?" someone yells, jolting Stiles out of his slumber, and fuck, fuck, fuck - that’s Laura, isn’t it? "Derek, if your ass isn’t out of bed by now, I’ll pull you out by your toes! You know I’ll do it!"

Behind him, Derek grumbles something unintelligible against Stiles’ shoulder blade and wraps his arms even tighter around Stiles’ body.

_Fuck._

Stiles attempts to squirm out of Derek’s grip in order to try and hide in the bathroom, when the bedroom door swings open. He freezes, staring at Laura wide eyed and waiting for the screaming to start.

There’s no screaming, thankfully.

There is, however, squealing.

"Oh my god, I need to text Claudia _right now!_ " Laura exclaims, a wide grin on her face.

What. The. Fuck.

"Um," Stiles finally manages.

“You know, Claudia and I were wondering how long it would take you two idiots to get your act together,” Laura says, tapping away on her phone screen rapidly. “I thought it’d still be a few weeks, but let me tell you, I have _never_ been so happy to be wrong before. Wait, did you cook him pierogi? Claudia was certain the pierogi would do it.”

"I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about," Stiles replies, completely and utterly lost.

"You and Derek," Laura says, as if that’s any logical answer. "I swear, you two have been dancing around each other for _years_ , and although I’ll admit, I was a little leery of the plan at first, your mother was right.”

"The plan?" Stiles asks, already disliking the direction this conversation is going in.

"The plan to get you and Derek to finally confess to each other by making you fake date," Laura clarifies, still texting.

"But Derek and I have been dating for two months," Stiles replies, frowning.

Laura’s entire body goes still.

“ _What?_ " she demands, gaping at him. "Why didn’t either of you say anything?"

"Because you and my mom have this weird rivalry thing going on," Stiles says slowly. "Derek swears he heard you muttering in your sleep about your plans to steal the recipe once."

"The recipe?" Laura repeats, clearly confused, before realization seems to dawn on her. " _Oh_. The _recipe_.”

Stiles looks at her expectantly.

"Please, Claudia and I are as thick as thieves," Laura finally scoffs, taking Stiles off guard. "We exchanged recipes _years_ ago. It’s kind of funny that people are so convinced that one restaurant is better than the other, though. Hey, when you and Der get hitched and Claudia and I retire, do you think you’ll merge the business?”

Stiles blinks at her, unsure what exactly to say to that.

"I’m going back to sleep," he finally manages, lying down and snuggling back against Derek’s chest again.

Laura gives him a thumbs up and saunters back out the door.

Derek snores.

**Author's Note:**

> _I do not give permission to have any of my works put up on goodreads or any other such site._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Blame the Pierogi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171153) by [annapods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annapods/pseuds/annapods)




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